First of all, let me say . . .
That I really hate writing introductions, or, frankly, much of anything about myself.
That having been said, some of you might know me for what I’ve been writing for, quite literally, the past twenty years, and thus – whether or not you realize it – you know me really well already.
But unless you follow me on Facebook, you might not know that I actually live the same type of lifestyles about which I write.
As you might have guessed, I’m no spring chicken, and I first went on line in 1994. Like most spankos of the time, one of the first things I typed into AOL’s search engine was “spanking” – while looking around me furtively, as if someone was watching me doing so.
Imagine my surprise when there was something like 200,000 results – and that was back then!!
I was writing at that time in my life – I’ve always written - but not anything that I shared with anyone.
Fast forward to 1999, when I discovered a newsgroup community that hosted a slew of really good authors who wrote excellent stories about exactly what my interests were – and more - and I actually became a contributing author to that group. One of those authors and I had a bit of a mutual admiration society going. I loved what he wrote, and he loved what I wrote.
Little did I know, at that time, that I was writing about him – and I have continued to do so to this day. Every hero I’ve ever written has a bit of my Daddy in him, some more than others.
By 2003, I was supporting myself by writing what I loved, and I discovered a different on-line community (website) that was run by that very same man. The very first thing I did upon joining was read EVERY ONE of “Unka Bobby’s” 1400+ posts. He was so smart and funny and had such an incredible facility with the language . . .
I was smitten. I was definitely what is more commonly known now as a fangirl of his (still am).
He seemed to have an almost uncanny knowledge about Littles that elevated both their very existence and the unabashed worship of them – in many varied ways – to an art form.
After having spent literally decades hiding that side of myself, I was in awe of his utter and complete acceptance and encouragement of that side of the lucky women with whom he surrounded himself – that he so indulgently “unkled”.
I have to admit that I was terribly jealous of all of them!
I was far from alone in my admiration and love for him, and we lived on opposite coasts, so – despite the fact that Natty Jones – another writer who had declared herself the president of my non-existent fan club – rather presciently gushed while chatting with me one evening, “Wouldn’t it be something if Unka Bobby married Carolyn Faulkner?!”
Well, he did.
But it wasn’t an easy road for us to get together. It was, in fact – quite literally - a matter of life and death.
Here we are, though, soon to be 15 years later, and I still never want to be anywhere but with him, and – unlike in my previous marriage - I have absolutely no doubt that the feeling is mutual.
I never expected to find what I have with him. I never expected to find any relationship at all after my divorce. I’m the self-contained type and I don’t put myself out there in any way, and I was even less inclined to do so with someone on the Internet, no matter how wonderfully he wrote about the themes in which I was most interested.
I certainly never entertained the idea that I would end up with someone who understood something that – to me – is much, much deeper than even a D/s kind of relationship. In fact, he understood – understands – it much better than I probably ever will!
There is nothing in this world like knowing that someone loves you enough to pay attention to you on such an intimate, personal level. The incredible sexuality of our type of relationship – which informs every single second of it – goes without saying. Honestly, it’s the things beyond that that are the most touching and downright humbling.
I’ll stop rambling now. I’m sure I’ve told you much more than you were interested in reading.
But we’re very glad to have you here, helping us celebrate these wonderful, loving, intense headspaces.
Carolyn “Squeaky” Faulkner