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Learning How to Parent

We spend so much time focusing on the little ones (I know that I do at least!) that sometimes we forget the bigs.

A little background.  I had a very bad week. On Monday I made a series of bad choices, getting myself into an argument that turned ugly and triggering.  Before I knew it, I was having a panic attack and freaking out in a public place.  And when I finally got home and had my nightly call with my caregiver/mother, I was so messed up that I lied and didn't even mention it to her.  I eventually came clean to her the next day, but the damage was done.  She took drastic measures and grounded me, cutting off my social media connections until today.  It was the right call, giving me time to reflect and think about my actions.

I knew she had done the right thing, but she didn't.  She wasn't sure if it was OK to do this to me.  After all, I'm an adult and what right does she have to discipline me?

So, tonight we debriefed and discussed the week and I assured her that she acted correctly.  And that I needed her to do this for me.  She was still uncertain, so I reminded out that I had consented to this, that I had asked her to serve in this role, that I needed her to be there.

I think that we think so much about what littles need, that we forget that our caregivers need the reassurance that they are doing the right thing too.  Nurturing discipline is a team effort.

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Comments

Chris_minor's picture

I can understand that as I used to get into arguments that I felt I had to continue with until I go the last word or going 180 degrees round and just freezing over as they got more and more into a rant that my emotions were blurred mess.

I find it easier now people do feel more entitled to step in more and quickly although it can be hard to get someone to assume the parental place when you badly need it at the beginning as they think you know what to do and will do it. I can't speak for you but often don't not helped by being traumatized by various stuff in my past that means peopel can easily trigger me apart from having huge trust issues which si what happened last week..

Anyway I do agree with you and we do need to be prepared to work with our Caregivers nurturing discipline.

Rgds Chris.

Joanne_chan's picture

This is sometimes difficult having had it with my caregiver, sometimes being a little to forgiving and finding it hard to judge where it's the case I knew and could of done better in that situation but chose not to and when genuinely I was well out of it and really just needed pulling away a bit like the other person was saying really.

Just getting to the point we can have a emotionally honest conversation about what we want them to do to/for us can sometimes seem hard going, like I remember the time I asked to taken to one side for a spanking or to sit out an activity we were all do do instead (if it of been arkward to done anything on the spot).

Laura Anne's picture

As hard as it is for us to talk about what we need, I don't want to lose sight of my key point:  we need to use our polite words (please and thank you) and show appreciation to the people who give something of themselves to us. It's emotionally exhausting to be a care giver and after they have worked so hard to figure out the stuff that even we don't get, they need an emotional recharge.

Joanne_chan's picture

I would agree we need to our respect to those who are our Caregivers, appreciating them.