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Little Things

More than probably any other relationship, the parental one is fraught with more ritual and little touches. All the trappings of childhood -- the toys or diapers or swing-sets or braces or car seats or playclothes -- are far more involved and continually used than the toybag or dungeon of even the most ardent BDSM'er. And the role of parenting is filled with nearly endless "ritual", from bedtimes, story-telling, potty-training, discipline, schooling... to learning to drive -- it never ends.

But some of those icons of parenting can be very subtle, too. How touched can a parent be to find an old finger painting in a box, to notice the bronzed little shoes on the mantle for the first time in years... To tack that one report card on the fridge because, although it's nothing more than a slip of paper, and meaningless to anyone else, its presence reminds them of something very special about their life whenever they see it.

So it can be with reParenting, and I find that a lot of people get stuck in patterns of thinking of their Adult Ageplay lifestyle as just a compartment in their busy lives, and overlook nearly endless opportunities to make her "little" life, and her adult life, much more seamless.

Sure, a lot of people are forced to keep it compartmentalized, to keep it in the safely-locked bedroom or playroom, to keep the trappings of it all on the low-down, because of the presence of normies or Biokids or something.

But there are endless ways to make ritual, and little touches, more a part of your everyday, and that can make a surprisingly profound difference in how deeply and fully she experiences what you're there to give her: The most realistic sense that she's actually regressed, and is actually being (re)Parented by you, that's possible.

If you have some privacy in your bedroom, at least, consider weaving reminders of her Innergirl status into the decor, into how the place is arranged. If the room is decked-out entirely for the woman which the outside world thinks she is, then that's the constant, subconscious reinforcement that's beaming into "little" heart.

If it's sometimes awkward or difficult to get completely into Littlespace, then every touch around your private room which screams out "a very grownup woman lives here!" is undermining the desire which I hope you have, to regularly give her a very realistic "little" headspace.

Whatever we see every day becomes "normal" to us. Making connections -- even very small ones -- with her Innergirl the norm around your house, and not the exception, can add up amazingly in her heart.

For example, here's a side-table in our bedroom. Cluttered and probably not shocking, even if a normie wanders in, but the practical and emotional power of having that blue implement of my most intimate Innergirl tendings of her becomes a strikingly loud, neon beacon to her eyes -- and more importantly, to her subconscious -- whenever they drift upon it in the midst of a grownup mindframe: " He might decide I need that at any time!"

In addition, I believe in keeping implements of discipline in her underwear drawer, for the everyday visual reminder it affords, each time those pretty panties are changed, of the realities of her little girl life. Of course, hanging them on the wall (the implements, not her underpants -- although... each to his own!) is an even more constant visual cue, but I like associating this one with the girlish intimacy of her underwear drawer, for my own depraved (but not dangerous) tastes.

Little rituals, too, can be a subtly-powerful source of those little reminders, throughout her day, that she's living (at least partly) this powerfully moving life.

The issue of calling you "Daddy" or "Mommy" comes up regularly in Ageplay communities. Those are powerful trigger words to many Innerkids, but many also fear powerful societal stigma from calling their partner those things in public.

But in fact, there are many examples of perfectly normie-seeming people who use such nicknames for their spouse. In many parts of the US, it's rather common for a wife to call her husband "Daddy", especially if they have kids, and Ronald Reagan famously called his wife "Mommy" all of their life.

Despite that what she craves from you is not remotely connected to her actual father, the power of the ethos which he represents to her cannot be underestimated. The "Daddy" image has become almost a metaphor for safety itself, for big arms and a firm-but-loving force in her life, and if she can attach that word to you, then the power of how complete that craving is becomes attached to you, as well.

If you've been shy about using that word in everyday life, consider what powerful ritual it is for her to think of you that way all the time -- and nothing will plump up that feeling as effectively as being required to call you that, all the time.

It's a powerful thing, and well worth any backstory (or even white lie) that it takes for your family and friends to get used to it. Would anyone be harmed if they were given a cutesy little anecdote that makes calling you "Daddy" into nothing more than an inside joke? Merely fallout from teasing you about being a Daddy someday?

But whether that particular icon works for you, even in the privacy of everyday life it seems that many would-be Daddies lose track of how powerful the little, everyday rituals can be, for maintaining as realistic a little headspace as is possible.

You may have mastered the basic rules she has, the age-appropriate discipline she receives, or the special tenderness that her Innergirl craves.

But think about just how completely a Biokid is under the authority of parents, when they're not only authority figures for rules and consequences and bedtime stories, but when the child needs parenting, of one sort or another, for nearly every aspect of their day.

Think upon the little daily events of a Biokid who's the age of your girl's Innerkid, and consider making either permission, or assistance, a requirement for your girl, for more of the things it would be for that physical child.

Is a little girl permitted to use sharp knives? Does your (adult) "little girl" use them regularly?

Is a Biokid your girl's age likely to decide what she'll eat, and prepare it, without a parent being involved? If not, then consider how much more "real" her little-girl headspace will become, when she knows she has to ask permission, or even for help, for that simple, domestic chore.

Not everyone wants total immersion into this, and it's important that we be realistic about how much we can commit to -- so maybe cutting up all her food and the like is stretching it for you. It is for me!

But consider, at least, the potent and constant reminder to her psyche, of just how old she's allowed to be (better yet, permitted to be!), if her daily rules include a much wider variety of things for which she's required to ask permission.

It really needn't be a monumental, shifting adjustment into exhausting micro-management, nor require the energy that parents of Bio-toddlers must have -- we're speaking here of little touches, and ritual, and about how potent the sum-total of a variety of little, consistent, atmospheric reminders to her, throughout even her (outwardly) adult day, of just how you see her, and just how you want her to feel, through as much of her day as possible.

With very little effort, that sum-total can include things like okay'ing what she wants to wear that day, requiring permission before eating or using the computer or changing clothes or going outside to get the mail, turning on the TV... Anything that you might expect a Biokid of her inner age to involve an adult in.

Immersion in those constant reminders that important, valid parts of her psyche are little, can make it feel like she really lives a lot more of her life that way, and often they require little more than the ritual of asking permission, even if giving it is fairly pro forma.

She's in this lifestyle with you because feeling "little" is one of the most moving and powerful things she's ever experienced -- every little tweak in her day which reminds her that she's permitted (required!) to be little by you, is just another thread in the woven tapestry of everyday fulfillment, for which she'll never feel she's thanked you enough.

Mr. UB Faulkner's picture

How did you gain all of this delicious insight into what a big little girl wants? You must've had some very lucky partners. Sure sounds like it.