A nicely-said post from Tumblr that I admire for calling out the state of online alternative lifestyles ("kink") as feeding mere fantasy, giving a very false impression about what it means to find and live these things in Real Life. (The account seems to be deactivated but I'd saved it.)
Hi there. I'm a 37/f/little/sub who recently was dropped by her Daddy. I'm ready to try again but I'm scared I won't find one that will accept me at my age. I miss having that connection and someone to live and take care of me. I don't want to do the Fetlife thing. Any ideas?
Just. Fucking. Wow.
Tumblr has just completely ruined the kink world, hasn’t it?
*CLIMBS UP ON SOAPBOX*
Listen up y’all! Thirty seven isn’t old in the real BDSM world. I’m not talking about Tumblr or Fetlife - I’m talking about the actual real live community, where real live people, do real live things.
Hell, walk into a munch and you’ll quickly learn that 37 is YOUNG for the real BDSM world - not old. Don’t get me wrong, there are some good 20-something lifestylers, but they are like fucking unicorns.
Do not mistake the relationships you see here on Tumblr with the real thing. While there are plenty of real ones, the VAST MAJORITY (like, 99%) are just people playing pretend with their online dominants and their online submissives. They’re married people who won’t leave their vanilla relationships even though they’re miserable. They’re 20-somethings masturbating to the thoughts of things they want and sexting back and forth with equally moronic 20-somethings.
They’ve never been to a munch, they’ve never been to a play party, they’ve never been mentored, and they don’t have any truly developed skills to speak of.
And sorry to shit in your cheerios folks, but just doing this online, while fun and titillating, ain’t the same thing. Not by a country mile.
As for Fetlife - stop using it as a dating site. Fetlife is not a dating site no matter how much the douche bag poseurs would have you believe otherwise. It was created to help kinksters organize and find events. The people using it to try and find hookups are the people you should summarily block.
Go to Fetlife, hit the search bar, enter the name of the area you live, find a munch, and stop playing pretend. The real lifestyle is where it’s at.
Meet more people.
Get an education.
Find a guy that people rave about, who you’ve spoken to and trust and have developed a healthy, respectful non-kink, non-sexual relationship with. Vet him out. Throw hard questions at him to make him prove his mettle. Go to a party and watch him play with someone else. Is he talented, or is he all talk?
For real. The whole “finding a dominant” thing will take care of itself when it’s time.
But for Christ’s sake - at 37 you’re still VERY young to be getting involved in the real kink community.
Couldn't have said it better myself...