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General Guardianship: Rules and Punishments

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General Guardianship: Rules and Punishments

I'm trying to get more information for a peronal project. 

Everyone seems to have different thoughts on how their ideal guardian would be. Whether you have one, or not, or want one, or not at all, everyone also seems to have ideas on what their IK would ideally have for their environment and how others would interact with them. 

I'm curious...

What kind of rules does your guardian have for you? Both general but also specific rules? What kind of punishments do you get for not doing what you should? (please remember this is the snug)


If you don't have a guardian, then how do you imagine they would be. 

If you are a wild child - do you have times when you wish someone was reining you in, and if so, in what ways are you being curtailed and how specifically are they achieving the change in behavior?

Feel free to answer any or all or none!

Thanks!

Daily Snug Title: 
What Structure Do You Seek?
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    As an very open book on how

    As an very open book on how my innerkid is and how life happens to be run presently this is my response within this places rules.

    n terms of the general they are to be honest, obedient and respectful to them and others not least those with authority.

    In terms of the specifics, although they are subject to review, this is the current set:

    Everyday attitudes and behaviour

    You are to go to bed no later than 21:50 and before if you are tired. If 'sent to bed' you are to co-operate fully.

    Computer equipment is to be either left out of reach at night while at home and handed to Grown Up friends while away.

    While at Grown Up friends they may determine any punishment in respect of the above but you are to inform me of it.

    You are to be polite in the company of others, saying please and thank you with refraining from swearing or otherwise being disrepectful.

    At home and with others you are to help to the best of your ability and do any agreed chores.At friends – they are to set own and you are to report any infractions and punishments.

    Keep your own space tidy.

    When it comes to punishments, they cover Corner Time tm, Lines, loss of non essential internet privileges and spanking and can be any combination thereof depending on what rule I disregarded or thing I knew I was to do but didn't anyway on an agreed basis.

    The main thing is to ensure I'm only disciplined for what I chose not to do rather than anything because of my multiple disabilities I could not be expect to do or forsee.

    "If you are a wild child - do you have times when you wish someone was reining you in, and if so, in what ways are you being curtailed and how specifically are they achieving the change in behavior?"

    If anyone could stuck two fingers in the air to everyday conventions making more work for others I sure could manage it by playing every card I had to get exempted either from doing it or exempted from any consequences for not doing it aided by very low parental expectations.

    They're curtailed now for because I've been given a set of fairly everyday rules which I'm held accountable to in a fair but very strict way and a good number of friends follow a similar approach when I'm with them so being with them is in some respects more like spending a childhood summer with an Aunt or Uncle-athough you have loads of fun, you have to work within their rules as they're in charge of you and have the final say.

    Although I'm bad at dealing with rapid verbal exchanges (they just confuse and agitate me cos I can't process strings of information together), they take their time talking about the responsibility they feel I can accept given my limitations and how they are going to support me.

    This whole approach has helped me feel more responsible while the structures put in place make it easier for me to understand what it is I'm meant to be doing in a simple way.

     

    Joanne

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    Well, I don't have a guardian

    Well, I don't have a guardian at the moment though one would be nice at some point. I do have a boyfriend who doesn't really understand my inner kid but he tries which is nice. Its like being around someone who's uncomfortable around kids but they try to hide it. 

    I personally see my inner kid as a child who's gone "feral" and sometimes that makes it very hard to let her out just because the minute I do everything either ends up in chaos or she takes off running to hide but she keeps peeking around the corner when I come to GI. 

    I imagine that at first its going to take a lot of time for any kind of guardian to get her to trust them but once they do its going to take being consistant and patient. 

    As far as rules I think my little side needs are as follows: 

    Bedtime

    Chores (age appropriate)

    Proper Meals

    Tasks (similar to "homework" but fun) 

    Help with money and time management

    And just general rules that could be disscussed and decided on. Just kind of normal "kid" things. 

    Rules my little thinks she needs: 

    More candy

    More reading 

    More cartoons

    Lots of cuddles

    Coloring and crayons

    Christmas is all the time

    no punishments

     

    As far as discipline/punishments that's hard. Things like essays and lines and corner time don't seem to work with my little. Lectures, OTK spankings (within reason) and removal of certain things seems to work best. Sometimes I (the big side of me that is) seems to enjoy the idea of reaching for something while my inner kid is out and having my hand slapped or tapped and being told "no" but at the same time I'm not sure how I would react while in that space. 

    I actually have very vivid dreams of being a child and homeless and someone finding me and "taming" me. And in some dreams the guardian is very exasperated and with other dreams I end up waking up not happy because of some punishment that I dreamt of. I'm sorry if this is so long, I just kind of rambled but I hope it helps. 

     

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    I dont have a guardian, and since its all new to me, havent thought about it till now.  I could use someone loving, who sets boundaries and rules, but isnt harsh.  Real Mom was and controlling.  I'm not a wild child usually, but I can be.  I wish I could have someone who can be firm and gentle in dealing with someone who is just learning to be a teenager. 

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    my rules are structured around safety, respect, eating properly and rest

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    My in trouble name is jessica lynn
    But please call me 'jessie'
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    My dream guardian...

    I don't have a guardian, but I wish I did. If I could have a guardian, I'd want probably a daddy, but a mommy would be okay too. I'd want my parents to be strict, but kind. Like if I did something wrong, I'd want them to punish me for it so I could learn the right thing to do. But I wouldn't want them to punish me when I didn't do nothin' wrong.

    I'd want rules too, so I'd know what was right and what wasn't right. I wish I had a guardian.

    I'm not real wild. I don't even getta be out all that much. I wish I could be out more.

    jessie

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    Swift fair minded discipline

    Swift fair minded discipline works for a good number and might well do for you, especially if you talked it through at the start and reviewed it from time to time.

    Joanne

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    I have no guardian, but would

    I have no guardian, but would like to have one, who would take care of me, as a little girl.

    For me a guardian should set rules, explain me the rules to be sure i understand why, and enforce these rules. Rules must be based on respect to other (especially adults, but to other grown up kids too), obedience, help to other, and propor behaviour (for exemple, to say "please", " thank you", be polite,  helping with home task). At the same time the guardian set rules, he must also let some freedom for me to act, as i think this is a basis for me assuming responsabilities. I know the rules, i know i must follow the rules, and i know that if i don't, i will get punished

    About punishment, can be anything from corner time, no internet or mobile phone, or even spanking. But always explaining me why i must be punished.

    I remember, when i was a little girl, the worst punishment for me was not to be spanked (even if it hurted a lot sometimes), but to know i disapointed my daddy. And the best reward was to know he was proud of me

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    I had parents (mainly my

    I had parents (mainly my bioDaddy) who pretty much spoiled me rotten. I wasn't really a troublemaker anyway, but I also didn't have much guidance or structure. This was especially true when it came to food, and I have a weight problem that continues today.

    Sooo... I'd really like t'have more structure and consequences. 'Specially around eating. I wanna* have a diet that's similar to a bioKids (which isn't super weird cuz like, kids are s'posedta have like 1400 cal-or-ees a day, an' that's how much I'm sposedta have to lose chubbiness), an' not have treats all the time. Havin' bedtimes, an' homework, an' chores, would also be good. I want those rules to be kinda flexible, cuz I think part of the fun of a bedtime (f'r instance) is that

    A really big rule I'd like is that I want limited computer time. Maybe at some point limited TV and video game time, too, but mostly the computer is a problem. I end up sitting on my computer for hours flickin' from tab to tab, wasting time and doing nothing productive, gettin' caught up in silly online stuff. It's not good for gettin' chores or fun stuff done, an' it's extra not-good for feeling little.

    Punishments... mm... I'm okie with spankin's but my Big has a bit of a problem with 'em. Timeouts work well, an' I can imagine when I live with Sis removal of privileges (video game time, dessert, etc.) or bein' sent to my room would work. 

    *Now, 'course, when I say 'wanna'... what I mean is the growedup parts of me thought about it an' decided that would help the littley part. I don't really wanna be told I can't have 6 bowls a' icecream, but I kinda know it's good for me to hear 'no' those times! :P

    One swishy little boy! ;)

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    My gaurdian would set rules

    My gaurdian would set rules and boundries. He would make sure i followed the rules and punish me if i didnt.

    i need rules for self care, controling my impluses and managing relationships

    I know i need punishments and spankings,time outs, sent to bed early, things taken away all work for me but i would talk about this with my daddy.

    I also need to be loved and feel safe. Its important i have trust built up with the other person 

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  • 12 dropping to 9ish Middle
  • Loves cats
    Good mostly pretty bad rest of time
    Love icecream and S. Fried Chicken
    Spankable
    The computer time was a

    The computer time was a problem with me- I'd skip sleep to way past three in the morning and even if by some miracle I didn't I still got little I actually needed done - so I had a bedtime set for me and my caregiver gave me quite a spanking for it which seems to have done the trick so far.

    Joanne

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    Reply ta Joanne

    Wow, I just wanted to say thank you for such a wonderful, informative answer, and for giving me something to THINK about. I'm disabled, an sometimes even tho I get ready for bed at 11p, I can still be awake at 4a, but it's not for lack of trying!!

    When guardians learn about my disability they see me as too much work, which is sad. But there are things that happen beyond my control.

    I need to think about this general question some more, but I really like what Joanne said. No wunner she's head girl!

    Xoxo Linn oxoX

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  • I'm a little but age varies
  • I loves my Mr. Bunnie
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    Linn's structure/rules
    Mr. Bunnie

    I have a Mama (ldr, more on that in a bit) plus I live with my biomum and step dad who - extremely lucky for me - love when I'm just a happy lil girl colouring a picture or showing them a new page of an activity book I finished... I get to show the little me whenever I feel her, and I've spoken with my bioparents a lot about the inner child and how much they need love, guidance, acceptance, etc etc.. I can even call mum "Nan" and she will soften her voice and pay attention to me. It's incredible, but I really try not to take advantage of it.

    but with Mama, we are still new to adoring domestic discipline/ageplay/mommy&little/whateveryouwannacallit and are not to a state where we have developed hard rules. But I have always followed some guidelines that she has said makes her happy.

    I start getting ready for bed at 11p, I don't have a bedtime because it's impossible with my health condition and just sets me up to fail... But just getting ready for bed by 11? I can be in PJs/nightgown, brush my hair and teeth and have my bedtime meds ready around that time.

    When Mama asks me a question I answer with "yes /no Mama" (or "Mommy" when I'm feeling younger)

    I always tell the truth, even if it hurts

    I should always be polite (I was brought up a polite lil British girl and it never stopped; it always made me feel sooo good when my friends parents would tell my parents that I behaved very well whilst over.)

    I take the dishes out of the dishwasher when I'm feeling well enough and put them away.

    I keep the water bowls for my dog and our cats fresh.

    Make my bed when I get up, then make myself a cup of tea. Whilst the kettle is boiling I start my meds for the day. And I have an IV line, some of my meds are serious stuffs. (I was bitten by 2 ticks when I was 17 and got 4 different illnesses with Chronic Lyme disease being one.)

    Always take care of myself, drink water, try to eat, if feeling tired nap, if I have it in me do some exercise, etc...

    Contact mama every day and send a message before gong to sleep. Even if it is two words, "nini Mama"

    Encourage myself to learn, as well as encourage my Mama to learn about her, me, ageplay, anything..

    Love myself, and Mama, even when it's hard

    And love my bio parents. I have to live with them after all. Lol

    Clean up after bringing out my crayons, my art, my toys, etc..

    Every night help find stray, defiant dishes that don't wanna be washed and try to hide. If I find one I get an extra farfaria story (awesome app - kid stories, one free story a day or pay 5 dollars a month for all the stories)

    Uhm there's more, but my brain is starting ta feel fuzzy. I hope that gives you a peek inta Linn. :)

    Xoxo Linn oxoX

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    Boundaries would be awesome

    I don't have a guardian, but I would love one. A mama or a papa.

    As a biokid I never really had much behavior trouble, that I remember at least, but looking back a decent amount of my good behavior was because of anxiety. I didn't have a whole lot of structure, especially when I was a younger kid (up to a bit older than my innerkid ages, actually). Even after that, people in charge of me were kind of unpredictable in how they'd react to things, and I didn't have a lot of hard boundaries because I rarely ever dared to pushed hard enough to reach them; it's like I found a little bubble of behavior that pretty consistently didn't draw negative attention, and stopped trying to expand it because of inconsistent results. To this day I feel out of place, off balance, and generally anxious when clear rules and boundaries aren't stated.

    It would be amazing to have the kind of structure I didn't have growing up when I regress. Even when I'm big I have trouble remembering to eat, drink water, and go to sleep.

    Rules for self care would probably be the biggest. Keeping my living space clean, going out and interacting with other people, and keeping some sort of routine would also be huge.

    As far as discipline, probably stuff like loss of privileges, corner time, and early bedtimes. I'm uncomfortable enough with physical contact that I really wouldn't want there to be negative associations because of punishments like spanking.

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  • Loves cats
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    Love icecream and S. Fried Chicken
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    Everybody's a bit different

    Everybody's a bit different when it comes to their needs and what's best to help meet them Snidget.

    Joanne

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    Definitely, Joanne! I'm glad

    Definitely, Joanne! I'm glad there's something for everyone.

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  • I loves my Mr. Bunnie
    Spankable
    I jes wanna echo Jo, we all

    I jes wanna echo Jo, we all find things that work for us. I wasn't spanked as a biokid, I was too busy being a good girl. Lol

    ...and I do love my spankings...

    But I crave intimacy and having to go to my room alone for certain periods, having that loving touch taken away because I not only disobeyed, I didn't take care of myself... that's torture for my mind.

    All kindsa things work, but it very much depends on current state of mind of both little and Guardian (even if the Guardian is your own Big person for the time being) as to what will work. I don't think there's a one size fits all for anyone.

    Nice ta meetcha Snidget!

    Xoxo Linn oxoX