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What is Ageplay to you?

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ari
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    What is Ageplay to you?

    This question seems to come up time after time, so with the new dawn of GI I'm throwing it out there. So...

    What does ageplay mean to you?

    How do you express you inner-kid: online at GI (or other places)? offline as part of your everyday life?

    How do you view your innerkid? As an integrated part of you? As being totally separate? .. or maybe you don't feel you have an innerkid per say just feel littler.

    And... what about relationships? D'ya have them? D'ya want or need them? Are these online? offline? on some kinda other line?

    What about discipline? Does it feature in your ageplay needs and to what extent?

    And finally... what do you look for from GI in terms of these needs and wants?

    Theres no right or wrongs, and you don't hafta answer all the questions - mostly they're just pointers. I'm just curious mainly to see how my experiences differ from other peoples.

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    What Is Ageplay To You?
    bethiebear's picture
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    I honestly had ta think on

    I honestly had ta think on this fer a bit. Cuz its changed from time ta time..not who I am, but what i been looking for from time ta time.
    Ageplay ta me has always meant a way to express the liddler side of maself..a chance inna way ta have a do over and heal soma the things that got broken in me as a bio child.
    I usta view the liddler side as something separate, but a parta me, the parta me i protected from all the ugliness of my childhood. A part of me that could be a normal kid, that was carefree an could play and have fun. I think these days i dont see so much of a separation. I see it now more as just a part of my personality.
    hmm..relationships..At first before I found the island..I would say my liddler side was just expressed in RL. It was just how I was..a big kid..I think i have heard that so much in my life, people describing me that way. I definitely express myself pretty well in RL having kid like ways. I know my kids and grand kids have noticed it, they grew up with me being almost a playmate ta them at times.
    When I discovered all this online community..well things got huge for me. I think my ageplay became more primarily online. I made some lasting relationships that I still have today..but its funny, my online relationships with my sister and a couple of liddle friends became RL..soo I think it has come full circle. I do have several stong online relationships, one with my Daddy, who I met on SL and he is my Daddy, big , little and in between, he is just my Dad in all aspects of my life and a good friend. I dont have any kinda intimate relationships online..meaning sexual. I'm not looking for anything like that.
    Discipline..now that's a hard one..I would say no..simply because as a kid (bio kid) I was abused so horribly that I have always shyed away from any sorta discipline in my ageplay. If someone was to try to RP like that with me..I wouldn't be around long. When I'm feelin liddle thats a scary thing for me. However as a big person..I have always sorta enjoyed that sorta play in the bedroom, but not real ya know, jes playful.
    Gi is a whole new place for me..I'm in a different place than I was the last time I was here. I think now I mosly am here to read an learn..i always enjoyed the discussions here and I love seeing what everyone elses journey is about and I enjoy the play threads now and again..I guess I just enjoy being around like minded people where no one is really judged..one of the main things i missed about the island.

    ari
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    I haven't answered my own

    I haven't answered my own question yet... but I'm with you on how it grows and changes.. not who we are... but I guess what we need and want out of things. Maybe its got to do with growing as people, or gaining fulfilment in places we never thought we'd find it. I'm also with you on my island journey... even before the island closed the emphesis was more on being around likeminded people I could be at home with rather than the play (though I still enjoy it) so I'm glad I'm not the onlie one with that!

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    Ari, thanks for posting these

    Ari, thanks for posting these questions. I think they are really good and I like doing discussions, cos they help to understand other people and when I answer discussion questions they help me understand myself better, too.

    I will be answering these questions as a Big.

     

    1) What does ageplay mean to you?

    I am not that keen on using the word 'ageplay' to describe what I relate to, really, cos it sort of has a BDSM connotation to me. But it is the most widely understood term so it makes sense that people use it to describe their community. I think of what I am more as an 'innerkid'. Basically, I never knew anything about ageplay before I came to GI. From high school onward, I had always strongly felt younger than my chronological age (which is apparently called asynchronicity and is not unusual, this is why people who are 80 years old say they don't feel 80 and so on). But at the time, I didn't know anybody else felt this way and especially didn't know anybody else who felt as if they were about twelve and struggling to live in a grown-up world, having to contend with doing responsible things like driving, paying bills, doing budgeting, going to the shops for groceries, cooking, and so on.

    So, I basically used roleplay and creative writing lots as a form of escapism. Then I discovered that there were people online who also roleplayed as caregivers and took on the roles of the kids they looked after (at that time I felt this was all roleplay-- it felt very emotionally real to me, but I thought I was a freak and was deeply invested in trying to be as 'rational' and 'normal' as possible, so was adamant about only expressing this part of myself in roleplay and creative writing).

    I would get really depressed because I wound up taking on a caregiver role most of the time, cos it's very important to me to be strong and brave and competent and to look after and help people. But finally, I realised I needed to allow myself more time to be vulnerable and to express my own 'little' side more. I have been trying to do that lately. It isn't always easy, cos I often feel like I'm a wuss or babyish or annoying. But I also feel less depressed in general.

    This is a really long and roundabout way of saying that for me, 'ageplay' has two facets: the just-for-fun, creative, part that is more roleplay, and the deeper, emotionally-real, basically theraputic, tapping into your 'child consciousness' aspect. I like both facets. When I write about Spike's family and when I do threads, most of that is the fun, creative-writing part. But when I answer discussion posts and when I do blogging about feelings and when I talk to people in a chatroom, that is the emotionally-real part. And of course sometimes those two aspects blend together, even in a roleplay or creative writing thread the feelings are often emotionally real. I do try to maintain a little detachment so as to essentially have my Big present emotionally.

    2) I express Spike online at GI and other nonsexual ageplay sites, and also offline through art and creative writing and by spending time with people who understand, both online and offline. I used to always feel like I was 10-12 and pretty much having to pretend to be a grownup when I was doing grownup things but I have been feeling a lot better integrated lately and feel more confident and more able to be able to feel like my authentic self even though I have to sometimes do grownup things. I think most people who know me offline who didn't know about me having an IK would still think I have a very boyish nature cos I'm playful and like to have fun. I generally think outside the box and the good thing is that cos of being an artist and a writer I feel like I have more leeway to express my authentic self and usually people are accepting about it. I have kids' books and a lot of toys like LEGO and Nerf stuff and a lot of creative toys and action figures and Hexbugs etc around my house and people who come over see them. I have met a few people over the course of my life who have been nasty about it but overall people are nice and accepting. 

    I express my IK side a lot through art and also writing, and I also love to play outside, to go hiking, swimming, and do stuff outdoors in nature. I really like to climb and play on playground equipment, so often go to all-ages playgrounds where people who are chronologically grown-up can climb and slide and play and nobody minds that they aren't chronologically children. 

    Time management is not easy for me, so adopting things like Choremonster to help me do my chores and art projects and writing and other daily obligations helps, cos it lets me feel validated and looked after like the age I feel inside, and it also helps me to feel good cos I am being more productive. I also do things like wear t-shirts with superheroes or racecars, and read kids' books sometimes, and read a lot of blogs that have Science, Math, Art, and Writing projects for schoolkids, which I sometimes do. Generally, I work in ways to help me feel validated and also to have a healthy life in my daily life.

     

    3) My IKs used to be more separate from me. Not in a DID-sense, but more like I felt they were fictional constructs and I was just channeling my need for emotional validation and caregiving through roleplay and writing. But in the last few years, I have worked hard to be honest with myself and more accepting, and now I feel that my IK side is much more integrated. Spike is very similar to me as a child, with a few differences. His older brother Baz is very similar to me when I was age 12 or so, again, with a few differences. 

    I kind of view Spike through the lens of being a caregiver to him. I used to have sort of negative self-talk about Spike, focusing on how he is hyperactive and noisy and very opinionated and can be a bit overwhelming. I used to say he was a bit of a pain in the neck and a troublemaker, and so on. And he used to have a self-concept of being naughty and generally a brash troublemaker. But for the last few years I have tried hard to be more kind in my self-talk. 

    Spike can be overwhelming for some people, I think. I try hard to keep him a bit reined in so he isn't too intense. He has big feelings, is very stubborn, and it is very hard to convince him he is not right when he is passionate about something. He also likes to have his own way and generally does not suffer from low self-esteem-- some people might say he suffers from _too_much_ confidence and self-esteem. 

    But I have been trying hard to use good self-talk because after all, this is my IK. So, I try to focus on Spike's good qualities (which are by extension, my own): his creativity, his enthusiasm, his sense of fairness, his optimism and his perseverance. I still sometimes worry that he is overwhelming to people and feel like I have to hold back a bit with most people. But I am working hard to trust people and to allow more people to have a chance to see the real me and the real Spike.

     

    4) I do have relationships offline, and online. It is a really special thing to be able to trust people to see you at your most vulnerable. It is also important to me to be the primary caregiver for my IK, so I am working at getting better at self-care. This is a hard habit to learn, but when I started thinking of it as looking after Spike, it helped me to be better. I still have a long way to go before I feel like I'm really good at it, though. 

    I am also working really hard (and I'm repeating myself  here, so sorry) to trust other people more to do a bit of caregiving for Spike, and to allow him to be vulnerable or to need things sometime with others.

     

    5) Discipline is weird for me. For starters, as a Big, I am a spanko, so, when it comes to two adults in a roleplay situation, I really get a lot out of spanking and other discipline. Even if one adult is playing a 'kid' role, so long as it is in roleplay, and the spanking is not sexual, it is fun and cathartic for me. 

    But when it comes to ageplay, it gets a little more complicated. I feel like Spike is not the sort of IK for whom a spanking would be necessarily cathartic or a helpful thing. Maybe one swat sometimes if he was really off the rails, to sort of get his attention, but I feel like there are other ways to deal with Spike that would be a lot more effective and wouldn't result in grudges or hurt feelings.

    In the past, I used to be caregiver to various IKs and they found spanking to be cathartic and helpful. I went along with it then, but I think I made a bad decision because for _me_, as a caregiver and as a Big, spanking an IK feels wrong. I feel bad afterward, even if it is something that is positive and cathartic for the IK. This isn't to say that spanking or corporal punishment is wrong for all caregivers and all IKs, just how it feels for me.

    For Spike, Baz, and my other IKs (although the others are rather a moot point because I intend only to have Spike here), logical consequences are usually the best way to manage any situations. Or, if Spike did something naughty and someone felt he needed to have a talking-to or some restitution had to be made, if I knew the person well and trusted them, I would agree that he could be scolded or have to do some sort of chore or have to do something to make restitution for what he'd done wrong.

    Types of 'discipline' that involve humiliation or aren't age-appropriate really don't work for me and make me feel incredibly bad. 

    On GI I mostly would like to make friends with people, other IKs and also caregivers. I mostly would like to participate in discussions and to blog, and to do some threads with people. 

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    What does ageplay mean to you

    What does ageplay mean to you?

    Its livin in" la la" land. its still seeing how its lots of others who live inna nuther sorta la la land, a much unpleasanter one,like livin in the lans where the  hornwallers, snozzwangers, and rotten vermicious knids live
     n wonder , why they went there,why they stay...

    How do you express you inner-kid: online at GI (or other places)? offline as part of your everyday life?

    Pretty opennly online n off :P Everyday. At home, i jus be me. :) back n forth lil ta big... Lil me peeks out n is in stores lots, but never do i come round:P at times that i ainta posta, i hasnt the ability to speak well anuff to sums grownd ups n or  ta keep my tempir ir amoshuns unner catrol.... :P heehe
    Big me has the" time" now ta be lil LOTSSS more than ever. : )  Though, always ben sorta a play baby,big, but never in a way that was irresponsible,mostly ;)

    How do you view your innerkid? As an integrated part of you? As being totally separate? .. or maybe you don't feel you have an innerkid per say just feel littler.
    Hm My lil isnt totally separate, like i know its "me" , im much as i were as a child sept for a few things,though if let ta be ,i wunder...


    And... what about relationships? D'ya have them? D'ya want or need them? Are these online? offline? on some kinda other line?
    Offline, online,teleline.
    I wanted frens! When i came here yrss ago after someone posting a link in another site,, i was just sooo happy n set free "seeing" others like me!! Not zackly hehe acorse bu lils!! surpriselaugh Playinn n all kinsa stuff! Than i saw some had mommys n or daddys,aunties unkles... Still didnt crave for that sorta relationship,and was n am happy with frens, i need and want most. noddinThough my Uncle n dahee fill in sum parts of this all i didnt relize could be filled or needed ta be,ta grow n feel bessessess me bout bein me. huh 
    I live with PJ,Snicks for yrss now,hes both dahee n snicks : )Im not really his mommy like proper, but lilless me issa caretaker kind : ) We are more or less lils living tagether, though hes more apt to be my dahee sep ima boss ub mee. I allowd ta say that,least, it myn merican rite!
    I also speak to frens from here on phone. Veryy close and love who i love : ) with all my heart offline,online people are people. : ) Feelings are feelings no matter if in space.I dont think theres ben a day inna last 10 yrs i havent thought of somebody i have only yet to have met online.Fact i know there hasnt.

    What about discipline? Does it feature in your ageplay needs and to what extent?
    I believe in natural concenquesnses n they can be sum the worse : /  but in saying that ,disaplin in the form of corpral, i feel is needed at times for me, to let go of unnessessary guilt and or shame i still will harbor after making mistakes.
    Im not sure if time out would work or corner time, due to one,,first id be stubbern n not care two,,than id be off day dreamin it away :P till times up!


    And finally... what do you look for from GI in terms of these needs and wants?

    I loves hows we says GERONIMO!!

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    I've been sort of dragging my

    I've been sort of dragging my feet on attacking these questions, but I felt that I should at least give them a try (although I know I will immediately hate what I write and want to re-write it immediately).  I really like what Spike had to say about the interrelationship of RL play and on-line play and I also share his love of creativity, but I don't think I'll duplicate what he said.  Here goes:

    1) What does ageplay mean to you?

    Providing a means for my less-constrained (and less-uptight) self (who I see as a younger person) to manifest itself.  There's a terrible tendency to denigrate the word "ageplay" as some sort of act.  But, while I will take on the role and get very creative with it, the "play" I am doing feels internally quite authentic.  In fact, if I cannot actually be in the moment, it doesn't work for me at all.  So, I am not "pretending" anything.  In RL, I am a very tightly-wound person with a lot of childhood trauma driving that on.  By immersing myself in being Laura, I gain understanding of how I became that way and what I would need to change to be happier.  In that way, my experience inside Laura is therapeutic, but I hardly see everything that way.  Sometimes, it is just having fun.

     

    2)  How do you express you inner-kid: online at GI (or other places)? offline as part of your everyday life?

    Laura is inquisitive and friendly.  She's also prone to melt-downs and tantrums.  And since I usually play as a "middle" (i.e., between 7-14), that behavior is a bit immature.  I need that tension of immaturity.  She's growing up (and I always age my characters in real-time) and she isn't happy about that.  So, there is a constant drama over the fact that change is happening.

    I also have a nurturing side to my play.  Some of that is because Laura wants a caregiver very desperately and, feeling that desperation, I have empathy for others searching for it.  So, I reach out as a big sister, teacher (through my Miss Agnes character), babysitter, or stepmother.  I love to care for littles, but I will admit that I am hoping at some point for some quid pro quo.

    In RL, no one would guess that I have a little.  I have a dry and whimsical sense of humor.  I tend to mother hen people and I'm a decent and sympathetic listener.  But I work far away from children and in  an environment that doesn't tolerate much play.  That said, in my hobbies, the little side of me comes out more clearly.  I love to write.  I love to read.  I read a lot of children's books and maintain a fan blog that has been going for years.  Thankfully, YA literature has become acceptable for adults to read.

    My partner knows all about my little and, at home, we have a very nice relationship where we fluidly slip in and out of ageplay.  It is a private relationship (we attend a local ageplay munch, but don't do play parties).  And while we don't play 24/7, we don't limit it, so at any moment we could be playing or not.

     

    3) How do you view your innerkid? As an integrated part of you? As being totally separate? .. or maybe you don't feel you have an innerkid per say just feel littler.

    I used to hate Laura and she hated me.  It took a while forn us to come to peace with each other.  Having a committed "adult" relatuionship that accepts her in it has helped break through that barrier.  But there is still a tension. 

     

    4) And... what about relationships? D'ya have them? D'ya want or need them? Are these online? offline? on some kinda other line?

    Probably already answered this.  My RL relationship fulfills many of my needs, but Laura is a social creature and since our relationship is private and exclusive, it's hard for her to meet other children.  And I need children to play with.  So, that's why I turn online.  Thankfully, my spouse is understanding as long as I'm not meeting up in RL.

     

    5)  What about discipline? Does it feature in your ageplay needs and to what extent?

    Yes, very much!  I suffered a lot of emotional abuse as a biokid, growing up in a household where love was conditional and discipline was random and unpredictable.  As an adult, I crave ordered environments and need clear boundaries.  But as an adult, it is very difficult to ask for these things since discipline and punishment are seen as immature desires.

    So, I adore having boundaries imposed and being told what I may and may not do.  And I enjoy testing those boundaries.  And being punished for violating them.  In RL, spanking (and other punishments) play a very prominent role in my marriage (as I said, I have a very understanding spouse).  The key thing, though, is that every punishment comes with unconditional love.  A random spanking would be scary and very upsetting to me (as would any punishment that was followed with abandonment).  For me, the ultimate high is to be smarting from a sore bottom, crying my eyes out, and having my caregiver holding me and reassuring me that it's OK to make a mistake and that I am forgiven and loved.

    I need the drama (with the resolution!) as part of my healing and exploration.  And while spanking itself can be a sexual turnon, that's mostly crossed signals for me -- the true turn-on is that expression of unconditional love.  After years of having love withheld by my bioparents, being with someone who loves me even when I'm naughty gives me comfort and security that puts me in the mood for anything!

     

    6) And finally... what do you look for from GI in terms of these needs and wants?

    I'm generally always been a non-sexual ageplayer and the Snuggery has always been the most dynamic and interesting place to explore that.  I don't have the time or energy for chat rooms.  I generally prefer the more leisurely pace of a thread that I can update once a day or so.

    I'd love to build a small family here.  I'm reluctant to bring Miss Agnes out of retirement (being a big here is a pretty much more-time commitment), but I like having Laura be a slightly older child.  Having a mom would be wonderful, but I'm happy enough to have some friends my own age and some littler kids to play with.

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    Laura, I really liked reading

    Laura, I really liked reading your thoughts about ageplay and Laura, and your relationship. 

    I can empathise and relate to a lot of what you have said. I especially can relate to having a sort of complex and sometimes adversarial relationship with your IK. I don't think Spike and I ever hated each other, but I tended to put my/his needs last and tended to minimise my/his feelings. He tended to be a boy who did rather obstructionist things and was constantly pushing boundaries and clashing with authority figures. 

    I still probably don't give Spike as much attention as I should -- I have a lot of art projects to do for him that I haven't done, for example-- but I am trying to give him more outlets and that has helped me a lot. I will continue to try and be more nurturing to him. 

    I also can relate to your description of the tension relating to Laura's immaturity. I used to think Spike was twelve-thirteen and then for a while I thought he was about ten. Now I realise that eight is probably most suited to him. There is a lot less tension and a lot less frustration now, since I have realised this. I think it is because at age eight, if Spike feels scared or upset about something, he feels much more free to actually verbalise it instead of putting on a front. So, he is a relatively independent and outgoing, but rather sensitive, eight, as opposed to a ten or twelve being pushed into a role that he is emotionally not ready for (essentially, being a caregiver to others, since I have a deep seated need to feel brave and protective and competent and 'useful'). 

    There is still some tension, because Spike wants to be more independent and grown up than he can be, really, and hates to be 'babyish,' but at eight it is not completely unacceptable for him to act out and vent his frustrations sometimes. It has been very cathartic overall to discover his 'proper' age.

    I also can REALLY relate to what you say about loving to test boundaries. I am always a little bit anxious about doing this because I had a sort of unpredictable and rather dysfunctional upbringing and I tend to worry that I/Spike will be unlovable/overwhelming/too much to handle. But I am the sort of person who always wants to go through doors marked 'no admittance' and so on, so it is nice not to have to rein that in sometimes.

    Laura seems like a really fun and interesting girl and I hope she and Spike can get to know one another. Thank you again for sharing such a well-thought-out post.

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    i always enjoyed your posts but i don't think i ever told ya that ... i really do like em too

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    What does Ageplay Mean to You?

    Good posts everybody! yes Spike and Laura, I related to a buncha stuff in yours'es!
    I'm gonna try to answer 'em too.  


     

    What does ageplay mean to you?

    Ageplay has changed meaning for me a lot over the last decade.  For me, it means being allowed to espress the parts of me that are sort of afraid.  As a biokid, I was rully shy and really scared'a messing up anything, and I think my ageplay was sort of a safe place to experiment with...  being braver, being free-er.  Of being less anxshious, maybe.  Of having someplace safe to espress what I _WANT_ instead of whut I think I'm spost to be.

    As I've gotten older, I think I've come into my own skin a bit.  I don't feel that my 'manda stuff is as much a projection as it used to be, but is a bit more a reflection of myself, that's always been there but took some time feeling confident enough.  

    (Side note: I didn't eckspect to write this at all!  But I guess sometimes you just know stuff better when you write it out.  And being here reminds me of those Beginnings, of being so bio-young and confused and figuring it all out.  Maybe sometimes I forget how it all started.)

    I've never really considered my ageplay as roleplay, solely.  There have been some characters I've fleshed out that have felt further removed from myself, but I didn't do that until I'd become pretty firmly entrenched in Being 'Manda.  I felt it so intuitively and I was lucky enough to find the internet when I was young enough to not have to spend loads of time feeling alone in it.  I sort of discovered myself by just jumping in feet first.

    As someone who still suffers some anxiety and fears conflict, and has a sometimes irrational aversion to criticism, I've found ageplay to be very therapeutic for loving and accepting my whole self, flaws and immaturities.  I don't mean that I don't want to grow or get better, but learning that it's all a process instead of a condemning judgement, and that I'm loved regardless of (not in spite of) my failures or bad moods.  I was a very people-pleasing serious child, and sometimes now it can be very therapeutic to just SCREAM or sometimes just to get a cuddle after having a smack and know that the world goes on even if I'm not being Perfeckt all the time.



     

    How do you express you inner-kid: online at GI (or other places)? offline as part of your everyday life?

    A lot of my little expression is online, but I'm lucky to also get to have some RL offline things too.  My mommy and I are in a long-distance RL romantic relationship, so when we are visiting together we get to be little and big for each other, but a lot of the time just 'cause we're so far away, we have to do with over the internet.  

    My big's RL is littered with 'manda things, but I'm also lucky because my big's personality is not so radically different than mine anymore so mostly it doesn't seem out of place for most people.  I have a tattoo of a dinosaur on my foot, which I got a few years ago as a self-love for this part of me.  I've spent significant energy resisting and accepting and resisting and accepting my little aspect, and it was sort of something I did for myself to remind myself to love myself wholly, and stand on my two feet.  That energy's better spent not fighting it an' just loving all my parts, and that I'm not removeable.

    I live mainly on one board with my mommy and I get a lot out of playing through posting, because I can take a pause from my life and try to sink into a special space.  

    I have some family and friends who I can meet with in RL to play (like Spike!) and sometimes it's nice to have playdates.  I have some real-life rules and use a chore chart.  I don't live 24/7 as a little, but it's sort of there in the background.  I like having some parts of my day where I can feel like I'm being a good girl for doing stuff that's good for me, like eating vegetables or drinking water.  

     

    How do you view your innerkid? As an integrated part of you? As being totally separate? .. or maybe you don't feel you have an innerkid per say just feel littler.


    I sort of answered this already, oops!  But I feel very integrated.  I see my little as an expression of myself and my whole personality as a multi-dimensional spectrum.
     

    And... what about relationships? D'ya have them? D'ya want or need them? Are these online? offline? on some kinda other line?

    I sort of answered this too!  I probably read all of everybody else's answers and just knew they were coming without realizing.  blush

    My mommy is my big's girlfriend, and my big is her mommy.

    I have some cousins and friends that I see occasionally in RL but communicate mostly with online.

     

    What about discipline? Does it feature in your ageplay needs and to what extent?

    This answer is a littlebit evolved since I first started.  When I started, I was strickly into non-sexual things, and I find discipline rully therapeutic emotionally.  

    As someone who struggles a lot with guilt and self-projected-expectations, I find it really comforting for someone else to take a little of the weight.  When somebudy else is in charge of deciding when I'm in trouble, it sorda subconsciously allows me to not scrutinize myself as mush 'cause it's "not my job," sorda.  And I can let go and be a little free-er if I trust somebody else is watshing too so I don't have to as hard.

    Also 'cause I have a hard time dealing with conflicks, it's nice to have controlled situations where I'm doing sompthing maybe not the Best I can be doing it and still feel loved.  And also to clear that guilt and have a fresh start, 'cause I can tend to hold onto bad feelings for a long time otherwise.  It's a rully emotional release if I'm in a safe place to dissolve a littlebit.

    In general, though, I don' think I do much bratting.  I respond best to praise, but sometimes if I'm feeling in a grumpy mood from other things it can be really nice to have a tiny-fall and feel like someone bigger is going to catsh me.


    Separately, my big-self is sexually innerested in spanking. Since my big and my mommy are in a Relationship, we've been exploring introducing some other types of stuff into my AP, but that's mostly very private.  I don't mind discussing it OOC but I don't like to do that sort of play publicly or feel the need to express that with anyone else.  I get a lot of out discipline from both sides, separately, but they can also reinforce each other in some ways.

     

    And finally... what do you look for from GI in terms of these needs and wants?

    Mostly I just want to reconnect with old friends.  This was sort-of my spawning-place as an innerkid and the place where my molly and I met, so it feels special to return now that we're both a little more grownedup.
     

    -------

    baby dino

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    Laura Anne wrote:

    Laura Anne wrote:

    5)  What about discipline? Does it feature in your ageplay needs and to what extent?

    Yes, very much!  I suffered a lot of emotional abuse as a biokid, growing up in a household where love was conditional and discipline was random and unpredictable.  As an adult, I crave ordered environments and need clear boundaries.  But as an adult, it is very difficult to ask for these things since discipline and punishment are seen as immature desires.

    So, I adore having boundaries imposed and being told what I may and may not do.  And I enjoy testing those boundaries.  And being punished for violating them.  In RL, spanking (and other punishments) play a very prominent role in my marriage (as I said, I have a very understanding spouse).  The key thing, though, is that every punishment comes with unconditional love.  A random spanking would be scary and very upsetting to me (as would any punishment that was followed with abandonment).  For me, the ultimate high is to be smarting from a sore bottom, crying my eyes out, and having my caregiver holding me and reassuring me that it's OK to make a mistake and that I am forgiven and loved.

    I need the drama (with the resolution!) as part of my healing and exploration.  And while spanking itself can be a sexual turnon, that's mostly crossed signals for me -- the true turn-on is that expression of unconditional love.  After years of having love withheld by my bioparents, being with someone who loves me even when I'm naughty gives me comfort and security that puts me in the mood for anything!

    Laura, that's a very nice description of the emotional heights that can be found from something others might dismiss as being just a "spanking fetish" within us.

    It has become one of the most powerful and important parts of my life to PROVIDE the emotional depth and heights that you described so well, which takes *me* to those same deep emotions, and soaring heights.

    I feel chagrin to fear being seen as too fixated on that aspect of these lifestyles (Adoring Discipline), but I just FLY when I can bring someone through the kinds of things you describe so well here.

    When I'm holding her, after a real, and really-deserved punishment, and feel the freeing, purged, floaty state wash over her, as she lets tons of old and often bad feelings just POUR out onto my chest, big arms tightly around her, freeing her insides, as she's assured that she's of-course always still adored, never will be a bad girl because I won't let her be one, forgiven... CHERISHED no matter what mistakes she makes... it's an emotional high for me, too. Probably the highest emotional high I've yet found in life -- so it's a really powerful part of our marriage, too.

    Very nicely put.

    *slipping her a wee butterscotch before wandering off, befuddled*

    ~ ~ ~
    Certified bonehead, THIRTEENTH Level Templar (Order Of The Red Palm), defender (and occasional scourge) of half-pints everywhere, awful and enthusiastic poet, broken man, Gluteal Gourmand, firmly-tender Daddy/husband to Pipsqueak/Carolyn

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    Wow.  I'm feeling very

    Wow.  I'm feeling very humbled right now.  Thank you, UB, for your kind words.  I don't think I can express how in debt I feel to you for supporting this enterprise all of these years.  So, your words of praise and sympathy mean a great deal.

     

    How, butterscotch is yucky... :)

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    A very good, thoughtful

    A very good, thoughtful question, Ari!

    To me, ageplay is the ability to express parts of myself that had previously been unexplored and were kind of . . . hidden within me for fear of criticism - and were thus unfulfilled. I kinda sorta came out to my first husband about my interest in this kind of thing.

    Big mistake.

    I express my innerkid 24/7 with Unka Bobby, who is my Daddy/Husband. We met online when I came to one of the other incarnations of G.I. years ago.

    We are lucky enough to live this lifestyle so completely that I think I can add up the times he's called me by my first name - rather than his nickname for my liddel, which is Squeaky - on one hand, and we've been together since 2003, married since 2004. There is also a D/s component to our relationship, but it's more in the background.

    Squeaky's voice is higher than mine, and I have to think about using my adult voice when I'm not with him. I have a passel of stuffies I never had as a kid, there's Tinkerbell - and straps - on our walls, my hairbrush is, essentially, a paddle, and a diaper bag lives at the end of our bed - and one in the car, too.

    I am Squeaky, and she is me. There's not a lot of separation any more, although I am a fully functional adult when I need to be - but that's not often.

    I am very lucky, also, in that - unlike a lot of folks who want to be reparented because they had shitty bio-childhoods - I had a wonderful one. I was the spoiled rotten youngest child. I think that has a lot to do with my wanting to be liddel, frankly. I like being little, being taken care of, and being made to feel safe. I think safety is the impetus for Squeaky's existence. I had a very protective father, and it . . . calms something within me that I know that Daddy is always looking out for me.

    Discipline is a pretty big part of both sides of our relationship. I am a submissive wife as well as a liddel, although I am never made to feel in any way lesser. Squeaky and my big both have rules - age appropriate, of course - and there are definite consequences for ignoring them (as I posted about in Pipsqueak's Corner).

    The discipline is never easy to take, but the aftercare - and the kind of "high" I get from it - is amazing. It, too, calms me. Centers me.

    I hope to make friends and share experiences on G.I. - and the Kittery, when it opens - and I hope to participate in more of this kind of discussion, too!

    Thanks again, Ari! Great topic!

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    My Answers

    What does ageplay mean to you?

    I’m not fond of the term ageplay, but I use it if I need it because it at least is a gateway word to explain myself (if I need to do some explaining of course).  It’s not play for me, though.  I don’t get into (or off on) playing at being a kid.  Instead, there is this kid in me and she is always there.  The question is just more is she right on the surface or down deeper at that moment.  I have a liddle part of me.  That’s all.  It means I need some things different than adults without a liddle might need.  It means I might behave in a way that doesn’t make sense to some folks.  The thing with using the word reparenting (for me) is I don't have a parent so to speak for my innerkid. 

    When I was 6 and beyond as a kid, I had to be 30.  Around when I turned 30, I realized that inside myself there was still this 6ish-12ish girl.  She comes out when I'm particularly joyful or particularly scared/stressed. 

    But back to “what does ageplay mean to me”:  when I hear it, I realize it could mean anything, but it at least means I need to find out more about what someone is meaning.  Truth is, they might mean “pseudo-pedo” play or they might mean spanking or they might mean diapers or they might mean pigtails and coloring books or any other number of things.   None of those things connect with me, though. 

    How do you express you inner-kid: online at GI (or other places)? offline as part of your everyday life?

    There aren’t a lot of spaces where I feel safe enough to acknowledge my liddle self being out and about.  I express her happy self through my teaching pretty well because singing, dancing, reading stories, drawing, writing, questioning, learning, laughing, playing games, etc. are all part of being a 1st grade teacher.  So that’s a great place to be liddle me in terms of having fun and being lighthearted!  A'course nobody KNOWS about liddle me there. Just me. 

    I express my liddle self through GI of course!  

    I express my liddle self with my two partners.  Moreso with John than with the DH, but they both know about liddle me and love liddle me.  John knows more detail about some of the terrors of my childhood and  he isn’t afraid of liddle me coming out no matter what we’re doing – even if its grownup intimate stuff.  He isn’t afraid of my past and my experiences.  He handles liddle me so well.  He nurtures by being an example of a Good Father.  He teaches me stuff – math stuff and history stuff and sciency stuff.  He plays games with me.  He is a superduper hugger and holder, too.  Just talking about him brings liddle me to the surface more, actually. 

    How do you view your innerkid? As an integrated part of you? As being totally separate? .. or maybe you don't feel you have an innerkid per say just feel littler.

    Somehow I view my innerkid as integrated and separated at the same time.  She just *is* and she comes and goes as she needs to, I guess.  Or as I need her to, maybe?

    And... what about relationships? D'ya have them? D'ya want or need them? Are these online? offline? on some kinda other line?

    Yeah, I guess I covered that earlier.  I don’t have a daddy, but I have John and I have DH.  John and I have a very close relationship.  He calls it being “pair bonded” actually.  DH thinks liddle me is adorable and he loves me but he’s not comfortable being my daddy, and I don’t want him to be my daddy either.  He’s the DH and he gives me room to be who I am.  J  

    Then in my heart, UB is Uncle Bobby even if I’m not a nieceling so to speak.  Even if we don’t talk much, he’s still that Uncle person to me and there have been times where he has helped provide me emotional support and some direction when I really needed it.  He even helped me learn how to interview guys and find someone who had the daddying potential.  J  I have a lot of respect for UB and for his Pipsqueak.  Even after all these years passed with the Island dis-appeared for a time, as soon as I stepped back onto the Island I felt like I had never been away and that’s because of UB and his Pipsqueak’s heart I think and the way UB keeps this place safe as he can. 

    What about discipline? Does it feature in your ageplay needs and to what extent?

    Discipline does feature, moreso in the realm of having rules and boundaries from John (and expectations that I wouldn’t want to disappoint him) than in discipline spankings.  But, discipline spankings have happened when they were needed. 

    And finally... what do you look for from GI in terms of these needs and wants?

    I love GI.  I never stopped loving it when it was gone from online.  It still lived in my heart and head.   I love having friends and family who can understand me.  I love having a safe place to be online, because I can get myself in a lot of trouble online (or on the phone) out in the regular kinky world.  I love having a place where I can blog and people understand that there’s pretty parts and ugly parts and complicated parts and that it’s all me and people aren’t judgy. 

    Quite right. :)

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    Joanne's thoughts on what

    Joanne's thoughts on what ageplay means.

    What does ageplay mean to you?

    It's not a phrase I use simply because my Middles with a little side flows from my inner child in real time less than the notion of say taking on a pre-defined role with an script, running more with actual child within emotional responses and needs as it happens in real time. It's more space for my Middle with little side to express herself with the 'play' being the setting where she comes out.

    It also is the case with developmental disabilities and brain damage, even at school, not least high school, I was considerably younger than my years which left me out of sync from my mid teens onward with most of my peers although I could share in say a love of music and some movies at least but with a lot their more grown up interests and sexual references going completely over my head, like they'd be talking about making out and I'd be more interested in having a teddy bears picnic or a tween sleepover.

    For me those situations either on line or in playmeets with some of my friends over here are very therapeutic to me because they're where I can really let that side of me out without the fear of people poking fun although the community where I live are very tolerant of my child-like ways and being know to have “special needs” does run to my advantage in that way, allowing a greater degree of self expression than I'd of imagined after leaving high school.


     


     

    How do you express you inner-kid: online at GI (or other places)? offline as part of your everyday life?

    Online is fun as I am very childlike, cracking lame jokes, getting super excited but thankfully most people are at least tolerant of my childlike ways although I make serious posts on non IK sites but am very open at sites like DDLG forum or Girltalk.to.forums about my little side sometimes really regressing in say a IK chat room

    In what we call Real Life, as will be apparent later on, my 'big' and I express ourselves pretty much the same, which can be fun cos I just can't help being myself as I use child-like phrases and words instinctively, often have plaything with me (my last works colleagues 'got it' and were super understanding of me being very much a child to the point of buying childrens gifts at Christmas), do dress in a more child-like way, often have cute plushies around, and easily move into little/middle headspace when I'm out, playing with thing.

    My IK really comes out at Adult Little Girl meets and sleepovers, it's just like boarding school which I loved having been to one and I'm always dressed as Middle in either playwear or English school uniform which fits me perfectly.

    How do you view your innerkid? As an integrated part of you? As being totally separate? .. or maybe you don't feel you have an innerkid per say just feel littler.

    The answer to this is simple which is to say I don't have much of adult sense of self through the real world impact of learning, development and intellectual disabilities to the point much of the adult world is beyond my personal comprehension, having no interest or need to. Basically I'm a child with a big age number living more like a child apart from paying taxes and that.

    And... what about relationships? D'ya have them? D'ya want or need them? Are these online? offline? on some kinda other line?

    I do have a mentor/caretaker who helps me mainly online to which I have round the clock access to who helps provide structure, guidance and discipline in my life which is centred around my needs which are reviewed across the week, working very much on my Middle/littles side. It's re-parenting in many respects.

    I find I do need the support of a caretaker in my life and if one was available face to face in reasonable traveling distance would explore that which may move toward being more in permanently a relationship with.

    What about discipline? Does it feature in your ageplay needs and to what extent?

    I struggle with things around getting things done on time, do put off important things for more fun in the moment activities, badly need structure and am capable of being disrespectful of others because I get more into what I want then and there without considering them. As well, I don't always judge situations well and my abilities especially in emotionally stressful situations to keep up with and process verbal reasoning can get so poor that it just ends up jumbled up with me getting more and more frustrated with that person. Grown up approaches to disciplining me simply aren't effective because they just can't go in.

    What works better with me is having clear cut rules and rigid boundaries around what I'm expected to do and clear consequences which is what my mentor/caretaker has been working on with me since just before Christmas. The main focus is around working on bring more permanent changes in my behaviour and attitudes rather than just the use of discipline through talking about situations and one on one guidance.

    Discipline forms an important part within the maintenance of those rules though, flowing very much as the consequence delivered for breaching them in the way as a child it would and so my mentor/caretaker does use corporal punishment with me as so an increasing number of trusted 'grown ups' when I'm in IK situations involving them with permission and appropriate discreteness, often when I'm dressed more as a child too.

    I find being disciplined less stressful than wordy verbal scolding, feeling very calm over a knee while it also certainly has helped together with the guidance and love of others in improving my attitudes and behaviour no end. My parents have little idea what this is coming from but they're really impressed by how much I've improved.

    The aftercare is really good and I find afterward its like I've been 'reset', centred anew with no past offences hanging over me although it does hurt. I am actually thankful I can get the spankings I longed for after formal childhood now because I'm doing good now with them in my life and that feels nice


     

    And finally... what do you look for from GI in terms of these needs and wants?

    If it wasn't for irony in the word, 'grow' as in growing a bigger and wide sense of being the Middle I am even though I've been involved around the world of Littles (and middles) for around 8 years since the Little Girl Within demand her rights during a very stressful period in my bigs life professionally and am well known in North America as well as Great Britain.

    I see that happening by more play based interaction than long posts or lengthy blog posts, just being me, learning more to open up more and learning more from others doing likewise. It may sound ironical but a life spent more around analyzing things, trying to break things down to their precise components has lead me more to just doing, being and enjoying things as they are, in all their fuzzy colourful glory.

     

     

    Joanne

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    I'm going to speak as my big right now. I don't give my little and big different names, because it's important to me that I integrate the two. What I have struggled with is being an adult and dealing with the shame of painful childhood experiences.

    I identify a lot with people who talk about asychronous age. My elementary school years were really hard. I was way ahead academically and way behind socially. When I was in sixth grade, I would leave class and study high school level math and computer programming independently with the teacher for the gifted program. Then at lunch, I would eat lunch with the learning disabled kids, who were the only ones I could get along with. I was picked last for every team in gym class.

    I think I was what is now called "dual exceptional," which are kids with both high intelligence and learning challenges. In my case, I had high IQ but also social anxiety and probably some amount of sensory processing disorder. Parents and teachers pushed me into all kinds of activities for gifted kids, but I didn't get the help I needed for my challenges.

    I have a picture of me in sixth grade at home, reading a book and cuddling with my security blanket. I never threw away the blanket, and it's next to me now.

    Unfortunately home was also not a safe environment for me. My parents didn't understand me and were frustrated with my acting out behavior. They used harsh physical punishments on me. crying Also they kept taking me to this creepy doctor because I always had a stomachache and would throw up and faint. It took years before someone figured out that, duh, this kid is stressed out and overwhelmed and needs a safe environment. angry

    Basically, there's a part of me that was traumatized at ages 5-10 and never really got the chance to heal. I've been in and out of therapy since college (I am now 40) and am now receiving EMDR therapy for PTSD. So I'm really interested in the reparenting aspect of ageplay. I'm learning to give my little the parental love he didn't get the first time around.

    Thanks for listening. smiley

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    This question seems to come

    This question seems to come up time after time, so with the new dawn of GI I'm throwing it out there. So...

    What does ageplay mean to you? At first I thought a simple question but as I got thinking about the definition and about the other questions realized its not quite so simple.  Its many things, a way of life (sometimes), a way to destress, a way to heal, a way to cope, a way to learn how things can be, a way to know I'm loved. 

    How do you express you inner-kid: online at GI (or other places)? offline as part of your everyday life? Both.  For the most part for last several years its been offline in real life and as often as I could, but life sometimes has a way of changing things and for awhile my innerkids which I call my littles have had to go into hiding.  They need a place to play and so I remembered GI.  have sooo happy its still around even if it has had to go thru some changes.

    How do you view your innerkid? As an integrated part of you? As being totally separate? .. or maybe you don't feel you have an innerkid per say just feel littler.   All of the above depending on the circumstances.

    And... what about relationships? D'ya have them? D'ya want or need them? Are these online? offline? on some kinda other line?  I most definitely need them.  I have them,   Mostly in real life, but not so much online, but want to have more friends online. 

    What about discipline? Does it feature in your ageplay needs and to what extent? This is very important to me, and it doesn't happen as often as I'd like.  It has always been in my ageplay, its part of what I crave, what I need.  Had someone tell me once, they can see a correlation between how I handle things if I receive it regulary and when I don't.

    And finally... what do you look for from GI in terms of these needs and wants? Am hoping to re-establish friendships from before when I was babybird if I can and maybe make some new ones. 

    Theres no right or wrongs, and you don't hafta answer all the questions - mostly they're just pointers. I'm just curious mainly to see how my experiences differ from other peoples.

    you iz neber to old to hug a stuffie.

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    Thinky Thoughts

    My big side is gonna answer cause she can think better about hard questions. 

    What does ageplay mean to you? Ageplay is reconnecting my outer self with the inner self that's never grown up and is still very naive and vulnerable and innocent and just has fun. I've found that being able to practice age play releases a lot of stress and tension, my back goes out less often, I don't get as snappy or frustrated as easily and I have less nightmares which is always a plus. 

    How do you express you inner-kid: online at GI (or other places)? offline as part of your everyday life?

    I'm still a bit wary of letting my little side out here on GI just because she is very feral after a few bad relationships; she was feral before but its much worse now. And its hard to reign her in and let her express herself at the same time. Offline, I sleep with a teddy named Rupert (that's the name he picked) and a lamb named lambchop from build a bear and I either get read to or listen to audiobooks before bed. And I watch a lot of kid's movies and television shows and color or play video games on the wii or tablet. 

    How do you view your innerkid? As an integrated part of you? As being totally separate? .. or maybe you don't feel you have an innerkid per say just feel littler. 

    My inner kid is kind of a weird mish mash of integrated and seperate. we're kind of swirled if that makes sense and I can "sense" her in the back of my mind all of the time and I can feel my muscles twitch to what she's doing but at the same time if I need to be fronting for work ect I do. There are times when I can let her out a bit and wear bright colors or sneak my stuffy to work or even just do art at work and then there are times when I'll get her something special like legos and set aside a day during the weekend where she can watch cartoons, color and build legos. 

    And... what about relationships? D'ya have them? D'ya want or need them? Are these online? offline? on some kinda other line?

    I have a fiance who knows about my innerkid but doesn't understand it and isn't comfortable with it so I don't usually let her out fully when he's around. I mean, there are times when she'll slip out like in the morning when she'll stamp her feet and call him a meanie or when he says no to toys right now.

    But I'm also thinking of finding a grown up figure for my inner kid, either a Daddy or a Mommy. My Fiance knows and is okay with it and we both hope that whomever it is will be friends with him. 

    My big side is asexual which makes it difficult to find a partner during the best of times, but add to that age play, poly ect and it becomes a needle in a haystack. Thankfully S is asexual as well so there would be no worry about me trying to find someone for him. 

    What about discipline? Does it feature in your ageplay needs and to what extent?

    Discipline is one of those weird gray spots for me. I hate discipline but I also find myself craving it. Even if its just a stern talking to and being reminded to behave. I find that if I act out and don't get corrected it just kind of builds my anger and I act out even more. 

    Corner time doesn't work. I find it boring and I really don't get that release I tend to be looking for when I act out and doing lines or writing a report just lead to me getting snarky and sarcastic in what I'm supposed to be writing. Spankings followed by a lecture and cuddle seem to work best but it also puts my big side in this weird unhappy headspace which can be super confusing because my little side will cry and then feel better and then my big side gets depressed ect. So I'm still trying to figure out the whole discipline thing besides knowing that I need it. 

    And finally... what do you look for from GI in terms of these needs and wants?

    I'm just hoping that GI will let me express my inner kid and let her have a bit of freedom within reason. If there's a grown up on here for her, great! If not well she'll at least be making some friends. I really appreciate the snuggery because it allows her to be out without fear of someone getting sexual with her and lets her just be herself. 

    .

    Helena Littlebird's picture
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    Tidbits Bout Me

  • I love to learn ballet, and to swim
  • i chat a lot, even at school (bad !
    i like a lot nice dress
    i like to play with my friends
    i know i need a strict educator
    That’s not really easy for me

    That’s not really easy for me to explain all that, as english is not my native language, and it is difficult to write concepts with all the subtility needed. But i will try my best. You are welcome to ask me details, or to explain better.

     

    What is ageplay for me ?

     

    I think age play is a way for me to re act my youth, and sometimes in a way i control better. When i was a kid, i was (and still i am, sometimes), very obedient. It was natural for me to obey adults, in every way. I know that i am, in some parts, “rewritting” my youth time, and that it was not always as nice and sweet as i can think today. Old times always seem better than they were. But i really miss that time, when i was a little girl, and i would like a lot to come back in time, but knowing what i know now.

    As ageplay, i would like to meet a nice "daddy" who could educate and discipline me, as a nice little girl must be.

     

    My Innekid

     

    My innerkid is a full part of myself. I can’t separate innerkid from my grown up. Sometimes i even think that my adult part is mostly a “camouflage”, just to act in adult society, and that my real myself is (still) my innnekid.

     

    Discipline

     

    When i was born and raised, Brasil was a very “traditionnal” society, where authority was repected. And so, discipline was a natural part of education. For me it was natural to respect and obey adults, and to be punished if i behaved bad. Physical punishments were still in wide use at home, and even in some schools. As my daddy was alittle “old fashioned”, and quite strict, and wanted me to be the best girl, the most respectfull, and to behave well, i was often disciplined. But each time, he explained me why i behave bad, and that he had to discipline me, so i understood well why it was necessary for me to be punished. Yes it hurt ! Sometimes my bottom was still red and hurting the next morning. But i knew (and know even better now) that my Daddy was right. And now, i fully realize that this discipline was an act of love too, not the blind stupid love, when you allowed everything, but the real love when you want the one you love to be better, to go higher.

    The worst for me was never to be disciplined, how hard it was, but to disappoint my Daddy. That was hurting really, not my bottom, but my heart ! Was really the worst for me. I prefere a thousand times to be disciplined, that to disappoint my Daddy. And the best reward was to made him proud of me ! And i know i did made him proud of me, lot of times. When i saw this look in his eyes, i was the most happy girl ever on earth !

     

    I know times have changed, but i miss that times a lot. In a way, it is was much easier, i knew there were explicit rules, there were explicit limits, and that if i behaved bad, or didn’t respect the rules, i was to be punished. It was a great security of mind, and i think it helped me a lot ot grow up.

     

    Fell free to ask me for more details, even in PM, i would be happy to chat on that.

    Joanne_chan's picture
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  • 12 dropping to 9ish Middle
  • Loves cats
    Good mostly pretty bad rest of time
    Love icecream and S. Fried Chicken
    Spankable
    I like how you describe  your

    I like how you describe  your innerkid and that's very similar to how it is for me being a full and intergrated part of the whole me. For me any 'adult' stuff is just a walk on acting part usually to keep some folks happy but it doesn't do anything good for me.

    Joanne

    Helena Littlebird's picture
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    Tidbits Bout Me

  • I love to learn ballet, and to swim
  • i chat a lot, even at school (bad !
    i like a lot nice dress
    i like to play with my friends
    i know i need a strict educator
    Joanne_chan wrote:

    Joanne_chan wrote:

    I like how you describe  your innerkid and that's very similar to how it is for me being a full and intergrated part of the whole me. For me any 'adult' stuff is just a walk on acting part usually to keep some folks happy but it doesn't do anything good for me.

     

    Thank you Joanne,

    I think that we are quite a lot to be like that, acting as a character, in adult life, just to have not too much troubles. Keep yourself safe.

    paige51's picture
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    Tidbits Bout Me

  • i would love to be nancy drew
  • hannah montana music is my favorite
    i like dogs, and they like me
    i love wolves the most
    what is ageplay to you?\

    What does ageplay mean to you?

    As an adult, it means being able to let the young girl who has been buried deep inside since the first time I was caught being my true self and punished badly for it.  As young me, I am free to be me, the girl I could have been.  Sometimes I feel 13, sometimes younger- I just go how I feel.

    How do you express you inner-kid: online at GI (or other places)? offline as part of your everyday life?

    I'm still learning to be me.  I'm new to online, but have a seperate email, pandora, and youtube account cause I dont think the grownups would understand why I like to dance to Miley Cyrus, or watch Hannah Montana and ICarly.  Off, I have been buying young looking junior sizes, and gotten some lip gloss and other things kids can use.

    How do you view your innerkid? As an integrated part of you? As being totally separate? .. or maybe you don't feel you have an innerkid per say just feel littler. 

    She is part of me, but who I would be if I could do it again.  She is seperate in a way, but also me- when I have to quit being her, it has helped me be more relaxed, and I see that some of my tastes as an adult have always been partly the little me's. 

    And... what about relationships? D'ya have them? D'ya want or need them? Are these online? offline? on some kinda other line?

    The only person offline who knows about me is my counselor, but I've never been me around her- she wants me to and I think I want to do it.  I would like other playmates, around my age online or off.

    What about discipline? Does it feature in your ageplay needs and to what extent?

    I havent thought about this much, but I dont have much discipline on my own.  I'm not good at doing chores like housework, and could probably use someone to make me do it.  Cornertime doesnt bother me as I have a lot of imagination, but making me do extra chores or write an essay would.  I like to write, but stories, not what someone makes me.

    And finally... what do you look for from GI in terms of these needs and wants?

    I really dont know what I wanted when I came here first.  I had to not be me for two weeks when I had to go home to Florida and it was hard.  But now I want to do more I guess of what I said above.  I didnt say it, but never got to be a big sister to anyone either- I think I might like that too.

    Theres no right or wrongs, and you don't hafta answer all the questions - mostly they're just pointers. I'm just curious mainly to see how my experiences differ from other peoples.

    Andy's picture
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    Wow! This is a great thread,

    Wow! This is a great thread, lots of very open, thoughtful responses.

    What does ageplay mean to you?

    When I first came to the Island, before the storm, I was looking for some way to communicate with others who share my interest in adult spanking which, of course, involves ageplay. I soon found myself becoming friends with a group of 'littles' who were here only to play and have fun. I found myself enjoying this immensely as a 'little' myself. I was amazed at how 'real' these online friendships could be, thus adding a new dimension to the meaning of ageplay for me.  

    How do you express you inner-kid: online at GI (or other places)? offline as part of your everyday life?

    My ik and I are pretty much the same person. I have met others who, while they are here, are always little with no desire (or ability) to invoke their big person. I pretty much behave online (and off when I can get away with it) the way I did when I was a 10 year old biokid. Offline, RL, I do the growdup stuff that I have to do, or want to do. My RL companion, Nancy, and I are both retired, we stay as active as we can. We have a lot of fun. our kids call us 'kids' when we go off to a rock concert or bicycling in a state park.  

    How do you view your innerkid? As an integrated part of you? As being totally separate? .. or maybe you don't feel you have an innerkid per say just feel littler.

    I guess I'm integrated, as I said. Maybe I don't actually have an innerkid as such but I do kid stuff a lot. Like when Nancy is backing the car into the driveway I might get behind her and moon the backup cam! I get on the floor and roll around playing with the dogs (sometimes a mistake because of my knees!).  

    And... what about relationships? D'ya have them? D'ya want or need them? Are these online? offline? on some kinda other line?

    Me & Nancy. We have a few good friends, both of us have kids and grand kids scattered around. I'm not looking for any other relationships, just friends I can talk to about stuff like this.

    What about discipline? Does it feature in your ageplay needs and to what extent?

    Discipline is central to my ageplay needs. She plays 'teacher' and I the 'naughty school boy'. She is not a spanko, if she were she would be a 'bottom' like me. She researched the subject and she does it for me and I love her for it. 

    And finally... what do you look for from GI in terms of these needs and wants?

    I would like to talk with others who participate in 'adult discipline'. I believe I have been a spanko since 3 or 4 years of age. I know that as a 10 yo, my current 'little' age, I definitely wanted or needed frequent spankings. I purposely behaved in ways that I knew would result in a spanking, thus the punishment actually became a reward. This made life very difficult during my teenage years, I knew I was totally weird and incapable 'normal' relationships. At least in those days it was not that difficult to get paddled in high school, some states in this country still allow it!  

    Andy

    DaddyBear's picture
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    Thanks!

    Wow, that was very deep and I really appreciate it. I have been out of the lifestyle for a long time and recently ventured back into it. While I enjoy D/s I really prefer the Daddy side of me. I am attracted to liddles and have always had a soft hearted, nurturing personality. I never got into the hard core play of bdsm so when I discovered the world of Ageplay about 10 years ago, I just fit right in. 

    Venturing back into it, I found a very playful little girl who is more than just a role player, like you were describing, but someone whose liddle is a part of their everyday life. She is a very intelligent woman as a Big and has a depth of personality that I found quite refreshing. 

    That said, I'm trying to catch up to her! Not that she is running away, but having left the active life about 5 years ago, I'm rusty and reading your response to the questoins has helped me gain a better insight into my new liddle friend.

     

    Thank you!

    DaddyBear